I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
