if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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