There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
