He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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