Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize