I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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