Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
