I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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