Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
