I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
