I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
