Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.

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(334): View more from Alabama

you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?

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(301): View more from Maryland

please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now

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(408): View more from California

Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower

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(571): View more from Virginia

Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar

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(416): View more from Toronto

We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.

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(207): View more from Maine

But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..

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(312): View more from Illinois

Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.

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