I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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