How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
