The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
