I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
