i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
