She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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