1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
