youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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