After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
