White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
