I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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