tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
