Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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