I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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