Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize