this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
