If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I touched a dick in church today
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
