he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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