People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
