My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
