I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
