I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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