I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
