were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
