DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
