hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
