i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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