hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
