I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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