Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
