just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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