He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
