Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
