"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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