Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
