You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
