Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize