i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
