normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
