Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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