he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
