After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
