Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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