My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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