It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
