dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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