Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
