i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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