Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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