I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
