Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
