Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize