i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I will be naked everywhere
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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