I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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