Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just want to make out with him forever
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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