My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize