new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
