very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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