So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
